We need to re-define balance in our lives. A consistent discussion I have had with people is the concept of actual need versus want. In reviewing cash flows with clients, it leads to some interesting conversations. I am astonished at the variance of opinion. I know everyone’s life experience is different but what astounds me is how people can justify a want over a need.
A big force in the way of rationale purchasing decisions is modern day marketing. I saw a video on Facebook recently where “the try guys” decided to replicate pictures of famous celebrities and models. This involved having all their images photo-shopped and touched up. The point is that all the images used in modern day marketing are not authentic. Its all to influence our acceptance of want items, encouraging us to purchase them. I label this as “buying by illusion.”
Couple this with the “need” to always have the new bling and be better then others. Earlier in my life, one of the most powerful ideas that constantly ran through my head was the idea that if someone else had something that I coveted, they were somehow the winner and I was somehow the loser, and the only way I could also be a winner was to try to acquire that thing, or a better version of that thing.
Let me give you a clear example. During those years just prior to the release of the iPhone, Blackberry made the most popular smartphones. If you worked at some white-collar jobs, the usefulness of such a device was clear. For many, owning one was a sign that your job was “important.” Thus, Blackberry ownership became something of a competition of oneupmanship in a way. It was often assumed among the younger business professionals that I knew that a person who cared about their career really ought to have one and that having the latest one meant you were on even more of a fast track to success.
When someone showed up with a new Blackberry model, as people do know with iPhones, people are jumping over themselves to check it out and it quickly gave the perception of this person being the winner and the others being losers in some sort of technology and career competition. This sounds absolutely silly to me even today as I am writing this.
Having said that, I still see that same phenomenon happening repeatedly in groups. I see it even in some of the groups I participate in. When someone shows up with something new, the others ogle over that new thing, stroking that person’s ego, and often making the others feel jealous.
Advertising and marketing aid this phenomenon. Watch a few commercials or look at a magazine’s advertisements and you’ll see that phenomenon popping up. “Look, this successful person is a winner because they have this product, and thus it follows that because you do not have this product, you are not a winner! Buy this product if you want to become a winner!”
All of it, from the coworker with the hot new item to the magazine advertisement, is all an illusion. It preys on your own sense of self-doubt, but it’s not real. It’s a trick created by marketers to get you to spend more money on stuff you don’t need.
Take that old situation where people are in awe over someone’s new car or smartphone. That response doesn’t really have anything to do with the reality of whether that person needed or wanted that new item. It does have a bit to do with the marketing behind that product. It also must do with our own tendency to look at new things and see what they do – our curious monkey brains.
At the end of the day, does that new thing help that person actually do anything better? Not in any significant or notable way. Does it give that person more abilities? Nope. Does it improve that person at all? Nope.
Does it impact their bank account and financial future? It does do that, but not in a positive way. Will the “new” wear off of that product pretty quick? Will that little burst of attention fade within a few days? It sure will. What’s the reality, then?
First, just because you don’t have the hot new thing doesn’t mean you have nothing. It means that you have more money. You have more day-to-day financial stability. You also have the ability to buy something else if needed.
For example, let’s say I spend $300 on a new smart watch. Sure, I’ll have a new watch around my wrist. Hey, it alerts me when I get a text! Sure, it would be kind of cool to have such a thing and I’d certainly use it if I did have it, so I could arguably say that my life would be somehow better if I had it, right? Not necessarily.
For starters, I’d have $300 less than I had before. For another, I’d have another device that needed attention, charging, and maintenance, providing a further life distraction. For another, that device is going to eventually wear out, leaving me with nothing, so I would need to get $300 worth of use out of it in the next few years. Without that device, I have one less distraction in my life. I have $300 in my bank account. I have one less item that needs maintenance. And I won’t have to deal with a dead watch when that device’s life cycle ends.
Second, the uses for things you might want that you make up in your head often don’t match reality. There are several reasons for this.
People tend to imagine the best possible outcome when they want something. If your interest has been piqued, it’s much easier to imagine that you’ll get life-changing use out of an item. You’ll imagine that it works like a charm and come up with situations where you’re glad to have it.
People also tend to over-amplify the situations that the item will be useful. Let’s take an electric razor that someone might use daily and might save a minute while shaving. With some imaginative stretching, that device becomes something that will transform every morning of your life.
People rarely think about the downsides of a product. Smartphones are a perfect example of this. Sure, they provide information and connection whenever you need it, but they also distract us from important moments in life. They constantly replace and interrupt important, but not urgent, moments. Replacing times like spending time playing a board game with your child with urgent but not important moments like interrupting that parenting time with constant smart phone glances.
Third, the stuff you own has no impact on the skills or characteristics you bring to the table. Having a smart phone does not make you smarter nor does it make you a more effective communicator. It does not make you a better computer programmer or a better presenter. It is a tool that’s only useful in some situations, not all.
A much better approach is to spend that time, energy, and money you would have invested in that new item on improving yourself or your life situation. Get some exercise. Take a class. Study a new topic. Practice and hone a skill. Make yourself better, and then you have the benefit of the item except that it’s inside of you and can’t be taken away or worn out.
Finally, the vast majority of people don’t care about the specific item; your want. Some people will use ownership of that item to differentiate between those that have it and those that do not, but those same people would find something else to use as a differentiator if that item weren’t available. Its not the object that acts as the differentiator. Rather, it is their personal characteristic. The rest of us don’t really care about the item. We might be happy that you’re happy with it. We might want to see the features of it. But your possession of that item, or lack thereof, is not going to make any real difference in how we perceive you.
If you want one single take-home message from this blog post, it’s this: if you want to change how you’re perceived, change, and improve yourself, not your possessions. In the end, that’s the real secret to personal, financial, and professional success. Those that achieve it don’t do it by buying the latest item or the newest thing. They don’t buy the illusion.
They do it by putting in the work to genuinely improve themselves and their life situation. They are not made into a winner by buying the latest smartphone or having the shiniest car. They are made into a winner by being smart with their money, by being diligent in improving themselves, and by building skills that others might want or value.
In the end, almost every possession you have will be stripped away from you at some point in your life. All that you’ll have is you. So, if you truly want to be a winner and have the best that life can offer, don’t seek it in wants or things. Seek it within yourself. Build skills so that you’re confident doing anything. Build financial independence so that you have the ability to take on any journey. Build positive characteristics so that you’re happier in your own skin. That’s how you become a lasting winner at Keeping Life Current.
