So, begins my annual Christmas charade. The curse of commercialism. How a landslide of gifts has obliterated the true spirit of Christmas. The crass commercialism which surrounds the experience of holiday shopping, not to mention the prequel Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Boxing Month, returns and the post-Christmas sales, has turned this happy holiday into an exaltation of our consumerist economy. Or so it is said. But is it fair?
It’s true that the exchange of gifts on a large scale is a relatively new feature of Christmas festivities starting with Charles Dickens, in the 1840s, where the “Spirit of Christmas Present” takes Scrooge to witness joyous celebrations of the feast. Food, drink, and good cheer are in abundant supply, but there are no presents. That contributed to the festive spirit of the Holiday. In the 1880s, hand-made gifts were making the day special for many children. So far, so good. That is what we are accustomed to and readily accept today. But in the 1920s, with the new post World War 1 boom and the improved economic climate, a more commercial spirit triumphed in the land of mass production. Factory-made Christmas was already causing complaints about inappropriate gifts. Some businessmen felt queasy about ads for supposedly ideal Christmas gifts such as a can of paint, potatoes, and floor wax. It was a time when Santa starred in many seasonal ads. Was this as a sign of discomfort with the invasion of the cash into a holiday which was then still considered religious?
The desire to make people buy things, and the search for profit, seemed to fit poorly. But Santa Claus took gifts out of the marketplace. He did not use money and was not engaged in making profit. His sleigh-hauled giveaway was supposedly averse to financial self-interest and was done in the satisfaction of making people happy. The gift generosity can certainly be interpreted as no more than a feeble attempt to escape the dark reality of the financial me first. There is no question that Christmas is a big business with Holiday presents accounting for 1% of our GDP. Producers and retailers alike cannot easily separate the spirit of the season from the ring of the cash register.
Not that Christmas greed can always be measured in dollars and sense. Parents and other gift-givers will recognize the sentiment. Recipients’ high expectations can turn the exchange of presents into something like extortion. Some families have been so repulsed by the grasping and the commercial spirit that they have vowed to boycott Christmas completely. Others try to simplify. I know one which has reduced the exchange of gifts to the barest minimum. Each family member gives $100 in cash to every other. But where is the thought and personalization in the gift choice in our land of cash and gift cards?
Such approaches miss the good side of Christmas giving. The holiday can be considered the annual highlight of an industrial version of what some would call a gift culture. Gifts are useful and easily understood tokens of emotional and social life. The obligatory nature of many gifts does not necessarily make the offering insincere. On the contrary, when the Christmas gift culture works well, love, respect and duty reinforce one another.
The contemporary Christmas gift culture does have something of a “Santa effect.” The harsh logic of prices and markets gives way to the generous logic of love and the anonymous products of mass assembly lines are transformed into personalized tokens of affection and esteem. Even the seasonal excesses spring from good intentions. Christmas presents can show that there is a spirit more powerful than the mean techniques of money.
The Christmas culture deserves neither condemnation nor enthusiastic endorsement. It is both a generous celebration of abundance and a distasteful time of materialism. The noble and the base are inextricably mixed. Christmas makes shopping close to something like holiness, but it also brings out some of the worst aspects of consumerism. There is a blind desire for ever more stuff, the desperate search for bargains and the restless ambition to show status through nice things.
The best aspects of Christmas are undermined. The worst are amplified by the weakness of any gift culture, the limited ability of material things to represent the immaterial. No quantity of generosity can prove that the gift giver is truly socially superior to the recipient. And nothing found in a shopping mall or on a retailer’s website will truly show the extent of our love.
The True Spirit of Christmas
As a child, I didn’t understand the fatigue my parents experienced during the holiday season. When I had children, December would begin and I would already be exhausted. The Christmas list seemed to take seed after Halloween leading to an increasing crescendo of “What I want for Christmas, I need for Christmas.” As my boys grew, the demand did wain. Things toned down as did the adjustment in their expectations.
Children aren’t born with a sense of perspective, it’s our responsibility to teach them. And although I have been known to indulge in the past, I agree with making and offering some positive changes. I wanted my kids to understand the true spirit of Christmas; that of giving, caring, and compassion. It’s up to you to teach your children about the spirit of the season. Here’s what I can offer:
Have Discussions
Every time a child tells you what they want, remind her that Santa doesn’t bring everything. I’m not sure if the concept will stick, but over my lifetime of parenting and with those I have had the discussion, I’ve learned that repetition is a good thing. Experiential learning is also meaningful for children. Have your children participate in picking out items for a toy drive and collecting canned food. It’s a great way to start. Sit down and come up with your own list of creative ideas that would work with your family.
Clean and Donate
The holidays present an ideal opportunity to sift through items and pare down what you have. Have old toys that aren’t being used? It may be the perfect time to make a large donation. We used to remove toys from our kids’ rooms playroom over time. Things that they didn’t use on a regular basis. Try it out in your own home. If they ask for the toys, seize the moment, and have a conversation about how much stuff they need. You can compromise and retrieve one item and leave the rest. The remainder can either donated to a charity organization or given away in your local neighborhood.
The more involved your children can get in this process, the better. Older kids, especially, are ready to start digesting the concept that they don’t need everything and there are items that can be passed on to those who have less. The goal moving forward is to have your children participate in the clean out. There are several great children’s television programs that address the concept of giving back. If the theme comes up, use it as a teachable moment. It’s much easier to talk about charity when media can provide a bit of context.
Onboard Family
No question (and one thing I am looking forward to) is that grandparents love indulging children. But there are ways to spoil a grandchild without giving them things. An experiential gift can be just as enjoyable for a child; a movie, a show, or an ice cream date. A few hours of one on one’s special time is beyond meaningful for small children. Have an open discussion with the grandparents in your life. As a parent, it’s your job to do so. Tell them what your expectations are, how much money you’d like them to spend and on what (and what not). Together you can develop a plan.
This post was not intended to dampen the Spirit of Christmas but more to right size it and draw out its true intention and what should make it a special time of year. But it’s timing was intentional. Too often, we care caught up in the commercial race and world of consumerism. If we try to start when our children are young, we can instill in them the intrinsic and deep-rooted values observed and experienced over the Holidays. This leads to ethical and emotional development and the balance in Keeping Life Current.
